So today, I vistied my great aunt in Staten Island and she gave me a blueprint for life.
Finish School.
Find a nice Christian Woman.
Have three kids.
….Sounds good to me!
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But there’s a 99 ct. store in my neighborhood, and I have a crush on the owner’s wife. I guess it’s like when your young, and you have a crush on your best friends mom, but in this case, my best friend is chinese, and his mom works at the register of a 99ct. store. Haha I find it so amusing to myself that I think she’s so pretty. When she’s at the resister and I have to buy a blank CD for $1.08, I give her two bucks and let her keep the change. And then I wink and say, by something nice for yourself. Ok, I’m just kidding, I don’t say that. But I do let her keep the change. I hope her hubby doesn’t find out and bans me from coming to the 99ct. I need those blank cds…
So I’ve found a new chill spot at FIT.
It’s like a lounge kind of place on the 8th floor. That middle section is outside, I’m not sure if you can tell by the picture, but its kind of like an outside roof dwelling place which is really cool. I tried to go there with my laptop but the sun is so bright I can’t see my screen. So I’m in the inside. It looks pretty deserted doesn’t it? Well yeah, besides that person out there, I’m the only one here, which is really weird and makes me feel like I’m not allowed to be here. But I can get internet access, and I can play music and not disturb anyone, and I like being alone. It’s peaceful. I’m anti-social in a way, but I haven’t been found anyone here who when I’m with them, makes me feel like I’m alone, and that’s what I need. If you’re my best friend, or close to me, then that means in some way, you make me feel like I’m alone… which is good! You see, when I’m alone, I act like my true self, so if I feel alone, i feel comfy. So If you make me feel alone, You make me feel comfy. I think people take it as jerkish when I go off by myself.. but, I’m an only child.. I grew up kind of weird ok? The only alone I don’t like, is that kind of alone where it’s like, “Surrounded by so many people yet I feel so alone”. That alone is annoying. Because those people that are surrounding you take it upon themselves to make you not alone. But its more like a burden to them than wanting to. So it’s awkward. Mmm well class starts in 7 minutes, time to be social!
Feeling like you suck… really sucks. You lose the spring in your step. You just walk through the halls uncaringly, your portfolio case carelessy hanging off your shoulder, looking down not bothering to see who’s around you. I keep trying to blame the retardedness of the projects, than my inadequecies, but I can’t help but focus on the latter. Ugh, my previous pond was too tiny and now I’m getting kicked around by the fish that actually have size that’s boast worthy. I feel like nothing I do measures up and when I put my all in something, it just gets flicked away. Well I guess then, this is my kind of game. Taking beatings just to use them as my own power. To get to the top unexpectedly, to surpass expectations set for me. To reverse negativity. Scratching my way to the top from the bottom. That’s my life. That’s my kinda Game.
While I don’t like going out of state or traveling to other countries, I love traveling all around Brooklyn. I love seeing places in Brooklyn that I’ve never seen before, and taking buses and trains that I’ve never been on. I had an experience like that on Labor Day. I rode a bus in Brooklyn to queens going past Kings Plaza. Going over the bridge was so beautiful. I loved staring out the window and seeing the new sights, it makes me feel like a kid. Maybe on one of my days off I’ll take my all-powerful Metro Card and go all around Brooklyn, I don’t think I’ve ever visited Besonhurst yet. Hmm…. can’t wait!
I spoke to my hero today… she’s been away for awhile but she’s visiting now. I’ve never told her she was my hero, I probably don’t even show it. I remember when she used to be around. There was something about her that made her distinct from the rest. Something that made her passion for Christ stand out from from everyone else. That’s what made her my hero. It’s no surprise she felt she needed to go out into the world.. spread her wings in Christ, here was just to small for her. Maybe that wasn’t her exact thought process, but that’s what I definitely saw. She was destined for so much greatness and that this pond was too small for her. I still wish she didn’t go though, I think we would’ve been closer if she stayed.
“So when are you coming to bible college?” She said after we said Hi. The question took me off guard. I’m not really big on leaving home, but I must admit, it’s not like Bible school has never crossed my mind. In fact, I’ve even wanted to join the school of ministry in my own church. Learning about God on my own is so hard, but I think it would be so awesome to learn about him in a school or something. We spoke about her experiences there and she told me about all the fun she’s having and how she’s growing so much in Christ. How she’s getting to experience serving is so many different areas. How she’s meeting so many different types of Christians.. African Christians.. German Christians.. definitely something I’m down with. She seemed so happy, so enlightened, so sure of what she’s doing.
Talking to her made me feel.. like.. maybe I do have to get out of here.. maybe I’m getting too comfortable. Honestly I haven’t felt like I’ve been growing in soo long. Maybe I need to see the world, the Christian world. Maybe after art school, I’ll pursure bible school. Maybe gain a deeper true understanding of God. And maybe, be little bit more like my hero.
